Wednesday, January 21, 2015

A In Your Head Book

There's so much to say about this book, like so much . . . like so much that I'm probably going to end up not saying much. (That happens when too many thoughts attack my brain). Oops! Anyways I'ts Kind Of A Funny Story by: Ned Vizzini has easily become one of my favorite books for many reasons. Although a warning label should come with the book, why? You ask . . . Well being that this book is about depression and occasionally other psychological problems (anxiety, self-harm, suicide thoughts) it is important you are strong enough to read it? I feel like that's not the proper wording for it but in my eyes I feel like that's what I should have been, a little stronger before reading it. I guess I should explain even further cause I'm not making sense. *oops face

When I picked this book up and read the synopsis I thought; Perfect! At the time I was feeling really depressed, (I'm sure you all remember my absence and sadish posts) well during that time I didn't do much not even watch TV, listen to music, or socialize much. All I wanted was to be away, from everything, to distance myself from the outer world . . . and what better way to do that than to read a book and envision other things in your head. All I wanted was a book that was going to make me feel less lonesome. This book made me feel like I wasn't the only one going through it not less lonesome if that makes sense.

See the thing is that this book is the truth, this book doesn't sugar coat anything when it comes to mental health. Everything is  in the perspective of Craig, a depressed, anxiety filled, suicidal thinking kid. Who is too harsh on himself, having the worry of school and a successful future constantly on his mind. Eventually leading him to a stay at a psychiatric hospital. Since it is in Craig's perspective you always know what he's thinking, what he's doing, because of this I found myself mimicking his actions. (As if I weren't already kind of depressed this book made me more depressed . . . is what I'm trying to say) I'm not saying that is the intent of the book, the point is to share a story, a story based on a real story, a story that let many people they weren't alone. The author Ned Vizzini who also spent time in a psychiatric hospital wrote this also in awareness, so people know how serious mental health is. With vulnerable words and some humor tossed in there he did a great job at it. 

So in conclusion this book was amazing, the bluntness of the story and scenarios were perfect, the humor was exactly where it needed to be. My only advice is don't go seeking comfort thinking Craig is going to help you, because this book is not for that purpose, this book is Craig getting help . . . you just have front row seats to it all. So if you are feeling depressed or sad or just not yourself, seek help. Go to family, friends, or in serious cases straight to the hospital. (Suicidal thoughts are a medical emergency). Other than that this book is great in getting a close perspective of depression and so forth. Ned Vizzini paints a perfect picture to it all.

See You Later.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline : 1 (800) 273-8255

Monday, January 19, 2015


I'm not really going to say much about this weeks playlist. I'm just going to let it speak for itself and let it try and get me through my first week of school. Try (keyword).

Well that ended up being a longer playlist than I thought. But all songs I think are greatly needed, even the spanish ones. They are a little out of my comfort zone but have true meaning behind them. 

I hope you all enjoy and let me know which songs you liked or if you've already listened to them. 

See You Later.

Saturday, January 17, 2015


Currently it is 10:11 PM, as I start to write this I don't really know what I'm going to say, I don't know. But I do know that I feel anxious, and feeling anxious is something I know too well. And I'm pretty sure others do too . . . so why not write about it. 

Anxious : full of mental distress, uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune. Greatly worried. 

Don't lose your cool, don't lose your cool. I keep repeating to myself. I'm about to lose my cool . . . not that I had any to begin with. I guess you could say many things can trigger anxiousness . . .  a new job, trying new things, things you're kind of afraid of, and well anything that you are not comfortable with/like/know/not not not. Anything you aught not done. (Beautiful English, my teachers would be so proud). As well as other things, these are just sort of my triggers, as well as being around a bunch of people, but that leads more towards social anxiety. 

I guess I'm anxious about school, I always feel quite out of place with school. Constantly keeping my head above water and always barely managing not to drown at the end of the semester. Even then through out that semester there's times I go under and it takes a while to come back. I check out I guess you could say. I don't know what happened, somewhere along the way school just stopped being for me. Still I go along trying to find that spark I started with that excitement, but all I'm really left with is the pressure of my parents and their dream of me being some extraordinary scholar. OKAY. 

I know I'm probably going to end up being that member of the family that lives off in a different country and only seen during the holidays. And when asked about me my family will probably make up some wonderful story how I'm off traveling the world researching psychological inadequacies. But really the only inadequate thing is me. And every time they tell that lie a little part of them will crush knowing really all I did was fail at the dream they envisioned. It sounds harsh I suppose but for a long time now whenever I'm asked where do you see yourself in ten years that is the picture that crosses my mind. Although their dream is crushed, mine will not be, because living off in another country doing what I dream of . . . well at least I'll be happy? 

That sounds really negative but in due time my hope is to find some middle ground with my parents. In the meantime the anxiousness of school still exist and let's not forget the terror of it as well. 

I guess all I can say is when you feel this way, don't lose your cool, and if you do make sure you do it in the comfort of your own privacy. We all know anxiety attacks are not the prettiest or nicest. People who have them, myself included, know how lethal it can be for the people around us. Afterwards is when you seek help, when you run to the comfort of your best friend, sister, or whoever brings you comfort.This is important, never hold anything in, even if it's through the means of writing . . . do it! Holding things in is in plain words toxic for you. 

Wake up, knowing the sky has seen brighter days and things are not permanent. Some days are just grey, and it's up to you on how you deal with them, but deep down we all know the right ways, our trouble is deciding whether to follow them or not. So you fight it. Fight off the negativity, fight off the bad pictures you draw in your head, fight off everything that doesn't help you move forward. Fight it as hard as you can, because when it's time to leave this earth you want to know you fought for what you wanted and what you believe in. And the importance in everything is to believe in yourself. I'm not saying this is what I've accomplished but I am saying this is what I wish and hope to accomplish. 

Remember, not everything worth having is easy. Not even inner peace with yourself. So don't ever think you are alone with this little war inside your head. Odds are every one has a little war going on in their head too. 

Well, this kinda made me feel better. Still more anxiousness will come as the day to start school is right around the corner. Wish me luck!

And as always; I hope this helped in more ways than none.

 See you later.

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